I don’t usually watch Oprah unless she’s got some kind of shocking celebrity exposé, but I managed to catch yesterday’s episode. In it, she revisited her infamous “bra revolution” for one lucky woman and then later staged a “shoe and purse intervention” to accessorize some ladies shod in fugness. As a budding Imelda Marcos, I felt compelled to see what was hot in the streets from the daytime talk show perspective. I also support any movement to sweep the streets of bad fashion. So I plopped down in front of the tube with my clipboard and let Oprah school me.
Sort of.
Her visiting panel of stylists included Elle creative director Joe Zee, O mag creative director Adam Glassman and Mary Alice Stephenson, fashion commentator and contributor to Harper’s Bazaar. Together, they ambushed women who had been turned in by their loved ones for looking like crapholes on wheels. There were bags with cartoon cats on them, flats with cartoon pigs on them… it’s a wonder the studio didn’t self-destruct. One lady was even rocking the “office lunch trek” look– you know, the hose with white sweat socks and cross-trainers? And while I was struggling to hold down the vom, she gave the standard excuse: “It’s comfortable.” Well, lady, one chick’s comfort is another’s discomfort– of the gastrointestinal kind.
She got a pair of Cole Haan flats that, while not my style at all, looked considerably better than what she came in with.
There were some good ideas and tips on the show. I am obsessed with flesh-toned heels (they make you look taller!), love the idea of pairing pearls with chains and harder-looking jewelry and am totally excited that ruffles are making a comeback. But most of the episode left me a little flat. Here’s the problem: I’m 26. Not only that, I’m kind of a young-dressing 26, just recently lamenting that I am officially too old for anything in a Delia’s catalog. But I’ve got a youthful face, so I’m not in a rush to wear anything aging, and some of the things they talked about on the show were really specific to Oprah’s core suburban mom audience. For example, they said that if you’re going to wear tights or leggings, make sure they match your shoes. I’ve got a facial piercing; I think I can afford to push it a little more. I know the whole point is to elongate and not cut your leg and foot line into pieces, but there’s no danger and excitement in that. I guess that’s fine at your job or whatever, but I’m not ready to give up my contrasting opaque tights with my knee-high paratrooper boots just yet.
I feel similarly about the suggestion that patterned bags are bad for everyday looks. I think it’s important to have a neutral bag, sure. I also really like explosive prints in a bag, particularly when I’m dressed down. Jeans and a black cardigan call for something a little edgier. I mean, to be fair, the lady they used as an example was carrying a really hideous bag and she really needed that intervention, for her sake and ours. But come on… patterns have their place!
Another grievance I had with the episode was that nobody discussed prices until the very end of the show, when The Benevolent O plugged an article by Glassman in the latest issue of her magazine that lists a bunch of boots under $100. First, don’t read that when you can get the same information for free right here. But more importantly, I want to know how I can be stylish on the cheap, because I will be paying off my student loans for the next two years at least. They put some chick in a tube scarf and were like, “It’s only 40 bucks!” Oh, okay. 40 dollars is a week of groceries to me, not a scarf. I know, I know; I wasn’t the target audience, and 40 dollars is totally affordable to plenty of people, I guess. But we could all benefit from a good bargain.
Issues aside, the underlying message of the show was important: if you’re a woman of a certain age (isn’t that the greatest euphemism?), you shouldn’t let today’s trends intimidate you. Go on, wear that skinny jean with that high boot! And I know this is a point of contention with a lot of people, but I feel like leggings are perfectly acceptable as long as your butt is covered (paging Jennifer Love Hewitt!). And if you walk into a clothing store and feel completely lost, maybe Oprah’s rules are a good idea for you. For the more daring fashionistas, though, the episode was a boring retread… And I really would have felt better not knowing shoes with cartoon pigs on them actually exist.
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And I really would have felt better not knowing shoes with cartoon pigs on them actually exist.
I wear those shoes with my Tweety shirt at every family reunion. My hand hurts just typing that lie.
I am obsessed with nude heels too! I saw such an awesome pair of Donna Karan nude heels at Ross for $20, but I hemmed and hawed and came back and they were gone. Curses!
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