You know, the most entertaining part about this week’s episode was Lara Spencer confusing Last Comic Standing participant and Celebrity Fit Club host Ant with Sex and the City schmoe Mario Cantone. It was scripted, of course, but I welcome any opportunity to talk about Mario Cantone. He apparently hosted some children’s show called Steampipe Alley. It was broadcast in random spots in the NY/NJ/PA area (I’d never heard of it before this year but I have slightly older friends that grew up watching it), and watching these videos twenty years later is a real kick in the pants. Look at him! He is clearly fueled by cocaine. I mean, I’m not judging him; sometimes you gotta dip the nose candy when you’re around kids all day, but come on.
Okay, I’m just kidding. It’s never okay to do coke around children. Not even if they’re doing it with you.
Lesson One: Learn Your Readin’
I’m sure you’ve heard of the the Three Rs of education– Readin’, ‘Ritin’, and ‘Rithmetic. Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I want my models to avoid having basic skills in these areas. But with broadcast journalism, acting and script writing as career options, it seems like poor judgment on everyone’s part to have someone other than trained professionals delivering me info on some crappy drugstore face paint that won’t work for my skin tone. I’m even uncomfortable with Kate Moss’ hurried command “Get the London Look!” in those Rimmel spots. You don’t have to yell, lady; I’m putting on the liquid liner as fast as I can.
Lesson Two: Learn Your ‘Ritin’
I know this is kind of cheating, but I’m going to keep complaining about the commercials. How do you screw up memorizing a 25-second spot that you wrote yourself? I’m not talking to Laura, who was refreshingly forthright about her dyslexia, but the rest of you… yikes! It’s up to you to make it as easy on yourself as possible. But I guess this is what happens when the hamsters think they’re better at things than they actually are… Erin.
Lesson Three: You Don’t Need Any ‘Rithmetic
No matter what this show tells you, 1+1=3 is not a way to measure product satisfaction.
Also, I’m surprised that I can’t find anything negative to say about Kim Kardashian. Has she ever actually done any commercials? What are her credentials? I guess if Miss J can sit up on panel every week and be useless, I shouldn’t be asking that question.
Anyway! Rae is down, six are left. Next week, I predict the girls leave on a jet plane. Where are they going?! If you ask industry insiders, nowhere! Ha ha ha; that’s some petite model humor. Tune in next week, and try to stay away from Mario Cantone’s stash!
Related posts:
- ANTM: Go See About Me
- ANTM: Supermodel of the World
- ANTM: Smize and Bear It
- ANTM: Dancin’ Fools
- ANTM: Later, Little Lulu
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