Sometimes you need to stop and smell the… whatever those are.
96 of 250
- Pink sleeveless shell with bow detail (last seen here) from ATL– $10 on sale, with coupon
- Blue jersey pencil skirt (last seen here) from H&M– $5 on clearance!
- Vintage turquoise cuff, purchased as part of an antique lot at a furniture auction
- Strappy tan sandals from BCBGirls via Ross– $14.99
The thing about this skirt is– it’s pretty tight. Not so tight that it looks bad. Not so tight that it restricts my movement. Not even so tight that it’s at all uncomfortable. But it feels… a little tight. In person, it looks snug. Given the nature of pencil skirts and knit jersey (LOOK HOW THEY PULL ACROSS THE HIPS OF THESE OBESE WOMEN), I’m fine with that.
You know, when you start a blog that details your daily struggles with fashion and body image, your little personal triumphs and your mistakes, you gotta know you’re setting yourself up.
But for a while, I guess you’re lulled into a false sense of security. You never claim to be a fashion maven, you poke fun at yourself, you share pictures of your sweatpants and your cellulite, and you think: we’re all in this together. Ain’t none of us got it all figured out.
Then something happens, whatever, and suddenly people are reposting your photos and claiming that you’re fat and don’t know it (as if you ever claimed to be thin), that you’re some kind of genetic freak, or that the only reason you don’t look like a total whale is that you are either wearing a corset or that you– like a clown balloon– expand improbably above and below the waist when constricted by a tourniquet-like belt.
Oh, and by the way? In case you didn’t know? Your clothes are waaaaay too tight. Not that anyone ever suggested that until you said you weighed 163 pounds and wore a size 6. That simply cannot be! Because of course, a size 6 on someone who is 5′2″ looks exactly the same as a size 6 on someone who is 5′8″, everybody with a butt wants to hide it, and if your hips are 45″ wide, your waist can’t be less than 35″ or else you’re cheating, fatty. Tie a sweater around that sh!t.
I mean– really? Okay, then.
I recently posted a few photos to a daily outfit-type community. This dress, this dress, this 4th of July outfit, and this one, in which I am wearing the blue skirt above. Lots of folks were complimentary. Some offered constructive criticism. And a vocal minority helpfully informed me that my dresses were– you guessed it– waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too tight. Those dresses took my figure from “va va voom” to “sleazy.” Well, it’s a good thing the line between the two is so clear! It’s not like I’ve ever worn an outfit that covered nearly my entire body and had it called “raunchy” on Flickr! Because it’s totally about the outfit and not my body!
The funny thing is that neither of those dresses looks that different on the hanger, and the black one is actually a little loose around the waist. Of course, of all the pieces in all of the outfits I posted, this blue skirt was by far the tightest.
And no one said a word about it.
But, you know, the top was a little loose and my waist was a bit more obscured, which made the skirt magically looser around my hips… or something. I have no idea.
Someone suggested that I go a size up in form-fitting dresses, and I showed them a photo of what a “size up” looks like on me.
I was told this was an improvement.
Another person suggested I buy a dress like this and take it in… everywhere? Which would make a lot more sense than, say, buying it in a smaller size.
I was chatting about this with Settica, who laughed and said it was right out of the intro to Baby Got Back. “OMG, Becky. Look. At. Her. Butt.”
“So it’s my hips, then?”
“Well, yeah, but you have to understand their aesthetic. They really think you would look better if you bought a dress that’s supposed to be form-fitting in a size big enough to be baggy. You’re supposed to buy something at least one size too big to show how tiny you are. And you’re not trying hard enough to look taller– that means ‘lose 30 pounds.’ You need to stand pigeon-toed and do the submissive head-tilt.”
Hmmm… I’m 31 years old. I’m going to go with no.
If spending a year trying to throw together cute outfits that fit my body makes me “sleazy,” well… just call me the Queen of Sleaze.
Related posts:
- 10 of 250
- 87 of 250
- 78 of 250
- Pretty Frustrated Friday: What Gives You Fits?
- Pretty Inspiring: A Different Kind of Pretty Year
I think it’s really admirable that you put yourself out there (I absolutely love reading “what I wore today” oriented blogs), and find these rude readers ridiculous. I’m not sure why one would spend one’s time trying to bring you down. You look great, and I think body-conscious clothing really works for you. Everyone’s style is different…and that doesn’t mean it should delight someone to pick apart and criticize someone else’s.
Heya. I’ve really been enjoying your blog. Why? Because you’re 5′2″ and have curves. (Not to mention the awesome entry on bra cup sizes. Amen.)
I’m 5′7″ and after lots of dieting and working out, 180lbs. Not done yet, but I’m getting there in terms of losing the tummy flab. I’ve got that hourglass figure – but it’s 42-37-42. Clothing shopping is an adventure, and not always a pretty one.
If I don’t want to wear a portable circus tent, if I want to wear something figure-hugging so I don’t look enormous, for myself… these folks would call it sleazy.
Fear not. You’re beautiful. I suspect they’re jealous. =D (Or at least, on the Internet for the sole purpose of finding folk to mock. It’s a sport.)
Sometimes I feel like some kind of out-of-touch combination Polyanna and old fogey (after all, it’s JUST THE INTERNETS!!!), but I don’t see the point in downing folks either. Especially with criticism that’s vague and impossible to implement, with arbitrary lines in the sand that are constantly shifting. WTF is the definitive difference between “va va voom” and “sleazy?” I’m so tired of people making the rest of us feel like we missed school the day they gave out The Handbook.
I’m not really that hippy-dippy that I think that all women everywhere share some kind of universal sisterhood of hearts and flowers, but this kind of thing just feels so… extra. Who cares? How does what anyone wears affect anyone else, really? It’s not like my outfits are causing folks to go blind– nor would they be if I got those dresses two sizes smaller and wore them with granny panties and a cape. It’s not that serious. Not your taste? Move on.
Eh, shoulda mentioned. I’m a size 12.
You know, I don’t feel ugly or freakish most of the time, but I’d be lying if this doesn’t bring up the time I wore an oversized skirt suit (with shoulder pads!– I was in high school in the early nineties) to present a scientific paper to NASA. The sleazy teacher who accompanied me reported back to my other teachers that I was “wearing short skirts” and “attracting too much attention from men.”
Maybe he shouldn’t have been paying so much attention to a 13-year-old’s (below-the-knee) hemline.
Eh, I’ll get a thicker skin. The funny thing is, just wearing the clothes in my closet this year has substantially lowered my tolerance for this stuff.
When I read your post, I thought of an article I recently read on racalicious – do you read that blog?
http://www.racialicious.com/2009/07/09/black-booty-body-politics/
Keep your head up.
People are jerks. I think 99% of those types of bullying comments are driven by jealousy of some sort.
Please keep wearing what you love and sharing it with us.
I can’t believe I just found your blog! Your outfits are amazing!
There’s a certain amount of cultural policing for almost every body type, and hourglass figures like yours are going to get comments like “sleazy”, which is hella unfortunate. They can’t call you “fat” but they can’t insist that you eat a sandwich, so sleazy it is. The comment I usually get is that I dress “sloppy” because tops are either too tight on my stomach or too loose on my shoulders – rather easy to tailor away but something I only do for really nice pieces.
I digress – the sorts of people who make these policing comments are usually really self-conscious themselves. They make rules about what they can wear (like, “no horizontal stripes! No puff sleeves! No puckered hems!) then try and apply those rules to the rest of us. I like to smile and laugh in response, like they’re making a big joke at their own expense
If they don’t like it… fuck ‘em. I think your project is awesome, and it’s definitely inspiring me to take a closer look at my own (very) neglected closet. Your outfits are beautiful, and if you like them, that’s what makes the difference. People are shallow and pathetic, but I guess that’s the internet for you.
I honestly think of your outfits as anything BUT sleazy. You usually look well put together and classy to me. That red sweater and skirt combo above is great, I’d wear the heck out of that.
The internet sometimes brings out the worst in people because of its anonymity. Ignore those fools and keep wearing what you love!
If it makes you feel any better, I honestly don’t think you look sleazy in any of the outfits you posted (and I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t think it was true).
I think it is refreshing to see a blog featuring a woman with a beautiful hourglass shape (let’s trade my hourglass shape for yours, o.k.? I like your legs better than mine) amongst the sea of twig-girl blogs. I like twig-girl blogs, don’t get me wrong, but it’s still nice to see other shapes and sizes lookin’ hot.
I’ve started belting my outfits now, btw. I hope you’re happy. ; )
Ok, I think you’re gorgeous and all of your outfits have been cute AND tasteful. People need to learn to grow up.
That’s one definite downside to the internet: usually-assured anonymity transforms people into jackasses.
Keep up the great work!
You look great — those put-down comments are absurd.
Thanks for your comments, y’all.
Bianca, yes– I commented at racialicious and just linked that essay in my last post.
ETA: In my comments there, I addressed the racialization of this shape. There’s some seriously nasty (well, even nastier) undertones to all this that make me a very angry girl.
By the way– I love your blog! Short, curvy chicks unite!
Sarah TX–
There’s a certain amount of cultural policing for almost every body type, and hourglass figures like yours are going to get comments like “sleazy”, which is hella unfortunate. They can’t call you “fat” but they can’t insist that you eat a sandwich, so sleazy it is.
Oh, so true. I’ve seen more than one comment that implies or outright asserts that I am somehow using the waist I inherited* as some kind of sneaky legal loophole out of fatness, which is, of course, my rightful state. Like they have to concede I’m not quite fat, or not “too” fat, but only because I have come in the back door… somehow. I don’t know– as a friend of mine says, it won’t make any more sense if you read it.
Tall women and women with “strong” features are mannish, slim/short women are boyish or asexual, and on and on… If you’re a woman of color, your body doesn’t even have to look any particular kind of way to be seen as [stereotype]. And how about you’re visibly disabled, queer, and on and on and on… It’s so tiring. And tired.
Joanne– I’m very happy!
You know, as of November of last year, I only owned 2 belts? Hard to believe…
*From whom, I don’t know, but I certainly didn’t ask for it.
Take the same classic black dress and put it on two different figure types:
Audrey Hepburn – elegant
Raquel Welch – sexy
Lots of people can’t see past that. It really isn’t about the clothes.
And you are beautiful. And should dress however you want. People say that and then add unless, of course,… you’re too old…too fat…don’t have good legs…etc….No! Wear what makes *you* feel pretty!
It can be hard to believe the hundreds of positive comments when there is even one negative but I hope we’ve helped lessen their effect.
OMG LOOK HOW SLEAZY YOU ARE.
Ok but seriously? You manage to pull off incredibly sexy clothes fabulously. You always look put-together and confident, and of course, never sleazy. I am incredibly jealous of how you look – for the record, I’m about 20lb lighter and the same height, and I’m built with the most unflattering possible body shape evars. I wear a size 8, sometimes a 6 or even a 10!
Keep on being fabulous – there’s no reason to bother listening to the constant snark floating around the internets.
Thanks, Jade, and re: Hepburn/Welsh, you’re right on. Same dress on Ki Toy is “pornographic,” on Serena Williams is somehow vaguely butch even given her ample booty… When you think about how arbitrary it all is, it’s sort of ludicrously obvious that what looks good on certain bodies is purely subjective (and full of sketchy bias). What’s sort of laughable and enraging at the same time is how folks will continue to insist that their personal aesthetic is objective and universal. But then again, when I posted about my BMI, saying only that A) I was, in fact, officially obese, B) I found BMI to be BS and C) you can’t tell how healthy I am by looking at me, I had people insist that A) I wasn’t obese, but clearly overweight, and how could I claim to be thin?!?, B) I had claimed that BMI was “infallible,” and C) I should put down the Ho-Hos and get to the gym.
…whosaidwhatnow?
The whole thing smacks of self-hate to me. I guess I should have spent more time bonding with other women over how disgusting we all are– then none of this would surprise me.
Allison, don’t do that! How can your body be unflattering? No more than mine can be inappropriate.
I don’t know what you look like, but there is a key for every lock when it comes to fashion– contrary to popular belief.
There is nothing sleazy about your outfits. Zilch.
They are lovely, put together, and attractive. Fuck everyone who thinks that curvy women should live in sacks.
Know that you aren’t alone – I am 4′11″, 116lbs, and like you, have the Curvy Woman Challenge. My pants all have huge gaps because I am small waisted, but my ample bottom doesn’t allow me to buy smaller than a 4 or 6. I’m a 32DD to boot. Buying dresses is nigh impossible. I too have been accused of being sleazy because my skirts are simply going to be shorter in the back – can’t help it. My slacks and jeans cling to my ass, and I can’t change that either. I’m 32, way too young to give up and live in my grandmother’s housecoats like most people would like me to. Nuh uh.
Screw the obnoxious assholes.
I have no idea how I missed the previous post/ link, because I do actually read your blog. LOL! I am super envious of the deals you find!!
Anyways, yes girl ~as they say down here in the south, keep doing you!
I completely understand about the “sleazy body” thing. I’m of the 35-23-37 persuasion–not exactly Jessica Rabbit, but I’ve definitely got some boobs and booty on me, especially when compared to my waist size. Nearly EVERY outfit I wear is going to garner a judgement of “too sexy for (situation du jour)” from at least one person. Unless, of course, I wear a giant tentlike monstrosity, in which case I look like “a five-year-old that got into Mommy’s closet” (because I’m petite, too), also according to other people.
I’m slowly learning to just ignore other people’s opinions. I’ve made friends with fitted dresses and other things that actually *compliment* my figure recently, in part due to your blog. (My next challenge–above-the-knee shorts in public! God’s sake, I’m 23, this shouldn’t be this hard.) You’re not sleazy, you’re inspirational and empowering. And absolutely gorgeous to boot.
You keep on doing what you’re doing! My short shorts that I don’t have the guts to wear yet, are depending on it. ^_^
Just another note to tell you that you are a smokin’ hot lady, and your style suits you perfectly!
Love your blog, I visit everyday. I think you look incredible. I am a few years older than you, but it took me a little longer than you to learn to dress for yourself, not for others. I too am very curvy, and very topheavy. For years I would shy away from outfits because of the comments I would overhear, like, “well, we can see why she got promoted, look at those boobs”! Now I dress like I want, and your blog continues to re affirm that curvy women can look great, confident, sophisticated and sexy all at the same time.
I agree with everyone who talks about societal attitudes being responsible for the nasty comments you’re receiving. If you aren’t “right” as a woman in society’s eyes (super-thin, ultra-demure, conservative) then you are supposed to feel shame. You don’t feel shame–you feel pretty. And you should. We all should.
Thanks for all your comments, and I can’t even tell you how happy it makes me that some of you have been inspired to be a little bolder.
I really love looking at your blog and, like everyone else here, don’t think you look sleazy at all. I’m assuming some of the people who called you sleazy were from whatiworetoday2, which is just ridiculous because they’re all a bunch of size 00 hipsters wearing AA shirts as dresses without bras *g* To me THAT is what constitutes sleazy, not you are usually COMPLETELY covered up.
Also sorry people keep giving you so much shit on your fit/size. I’ll admit I am a bit baffled on how your hips are like 3 inches bigger than mine and you wear a size 6 while I wear a 14/16, but I honestly don’t see why you’d lie about it so I will of course take your word for it. I would personally be more comfortable in the “size up” dress that someone told you was “an improvement” but it IS big on you obviously and if you don’t like baggy clothes then you have every right not to wear them!
Basically: don’t listen to all the people giving you shit and keep posting! I haven’t had the balls to do it since I got run out of whatiworetoday over 2 years ago
Some of those mean-spirited boys on the internet have spent their whole life jacking off to pics of (anorexic) runway models in too-loose clothes, so they wouldn’t know what a real woman looks like if she did parade around in a potato sack.
As for you, since you are happily married, who cares what any other men (or jealous girls, for that matter) think about you? Dress for yourself first and your husband second and enjoy every minute of your pretty year!
Devann, I was thinking about your and similar comments– there’s a lot that goes into dress sizes (without even getting into their inconsistency), but one of the factors is that waist size is a big part of garment fit/design (not that I know your waist size, but if my waist were bigger and everything else the same, I’d easily be a few sizes larger).
And then there’s the Kim Kardashian factor I discussed earlier– if you’re curvy and choose designers that cut more for your shape, most of your clothes are going to be a smaller size than if you were to buy average-fit or junior-fit clothes and have them taken in at the waist or what-have-you. I was crunching some numbers I’ll share later (you know how I love math posts!), but since many garments are cut starting with waist measurement as the first reference… basically from what I can gather, people with the smallest waist/hip differential are likely to wear a single size more consistently than people with the largest differential (such as myself). In the example I worked up, my theoretical slim-hipped person could wear a 10 in any cut of jean (though she might ideally take the curvier cuts in at the hips), but my theoretical wide-hipped person would wear anywhere from a 6 to a 14 (which would have to be taken way in at the waist, but still…), depending on cut. I’m still trying to figure it all out, but I’d like to crack the code, because it’s so crazy-making!
It may be partly moot anyway, because you say you prefer to wear your clothes baggier than I do! So I’m sure that accounts for at least one or two dress sizes right there.
I just stumbled upon your blog today and will be an avid regular reader.
I personally think you’re gorgeous and love that you have the confidence to wear things that fit. I’m 5′4 and weigh more than I look like I weigh, and I wear about a 14/16. No one believes I wear a 16, but most of that’s because of booty. Anyway – yay to you for making fuller figured women (no matter what size) feel better about it.
I am a bargain queen myself so I think this is a lot of fun. Making plans to go through the closet soon…
You have never looked sleazy.
Ever.
Your sense of color and figure flattery is amazing, and you have clearly been inspirational to many, many folks.
You have the right to delete comments if they’re hateful–and I sincerely hope you do. Those trolls don’t deserve to be published anywhere.
*angry face*
The whole curvy body issue is one that I faced everyday growing up–my sister is a classic toothpick, I have that whole waist-to-hip 10″ difference going on, and a large rack on a short frame.
I couldn’t borrow her clothes because they instantly went from Audrey Hepburn to Sophia Loren.
I have a small waist and a large ass. Why does this make it open season to comment on my “obvious” sexuality?
Rebecca… If it’s not one thing, it’s another, you know? I think I’m getting a thicker skin, because some of the comments I continue to get (and don’t publish) on my “I weigh 163 pounds” post are more amusing than infuriating/crazy-making now. “UR FAT AND UR GONNA DIE.” I mean, okay, then. You almost *have* to laugh.
It’s always good to hear you’re not the only one, even when you know you’re not the only one, and even though that sucks, too.
You know… I spent a few years as a teen thinking I was the scowlingest scowler that ever did scowl, and that I seriously needed to “lighten up.”
Until I figured out that every young woman is told to “smile” by strange men who feel entitled to her attention and to make demands with regard to her physical appearance.
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