Jack, are you home? It’s me, Lana! Come on Jack, I know you’re in theeerrrrrre… Lana! Want! Jackie!
45 of 250
- Indigo puff-sleeve top from Banana Republic– $14 on sale
- Black pants from Bloomie’s Aqua via Filene’s Basement– $6 on clearance
- Reversible belt from Steve Madden via Filene’s Basement– $10.39 with coupon
- Red enamel necklace from Loehmann’s– about $20
- Rubber-bottomed red heels (again– hey, girl’s gotta walk to work) from Aerosoles– $29.99 on sale
Pre-Pretty Year, I wouldn’t have worn this with a belt. Possibly a good instinct. But one I’m questioning.
I wanted to do something different, and you know… I don’t think I looked bad. But there are times when I feel a little, well… Lana.
Separated at Birth?
I never quite understood why curvy, sexy, vivacious Lana Shields was such a turn-off to a horndog like Jack Tripper. (Neither did John Ritter, apparently, and he wasn’t alone.) But I did get the message. It’s okay to be curvy, but not too curvy. It’s okay to be sexy, but not past 29. You can be vivacious, but God forbid you’re a sexual subject.
‘Cause once you’re the tiniest bit Too, we reserve the right to mock you and your body back into submission– or at least compliance. And the same goes for every too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny, too flat-chested, too t!tty, too mannish, too butty, too boyish, too femme, too butch, too hairy, too dark, too made-up, too ‘froed, too natural, too old, too foreign, too young, too ethnic, too dyed, too small-eyed, too big-nosed, too inked, too modest, too pierced, too covered, too prudish, too slutty, too Too woman out there.
Lana Shields was waaaay Too. She was titillating (mostly to the too old), but she was also embarrassing– disgusting, even. Most of all, she was a joke, at which we were all encouraged to point and laugh.
See Also
Not just her attitude, but her very shape made her a pitiable– if not downright deplorable– symbol of desperate, wanton female sexuality and the specter of age (and race, and class, and and).
And maybe a little bit of this
I mean, T’n'A is great and all, but not on a– gasp!– 40-year-old. She seriously needs to cover that sh!t up. Maybe she can take the advice of the many fashion mags that have “encouraged” me to “minimize” my terrifying hips by adding 20 pounds of bulk to my waist. And then turned around to my “boyish” friends and encouraged them to add 20 pounds of bulk to their hips to make them “seem like” they have waists. And then turned around and told us all to lose 20 pounds.
I can’t imagine that I’m making it look easy here. But, yes, it turns out that dressing yourself– like math class– is tough. Especially for a girl who walks to work. The day I wore this outfit, I was catcalled five times. And that’s on a low-traffic route.
That passes a cemetery.
I’m sick of the catcalls, but you know what I’ve been over? Covering this sh!t up. Tie a sweater around your own waist, whistle at your dog– and go ahead and call me Lana.
You heard me
Related posts:
I have “hips” as well, and I’m male. Embarrassing at first when I was younger, it works out in my favor now since I freestyle when it comes to fashion.
Here is a good site to shop at. http://www.myshape.com/
I’m an “A”. The selection is small for me since I’m biased with what I choose to wear. You might find something you like though.
You tell ‘em, M!
You look lovely and the belt is a definite “yes”. It really pulls the outfit together.
Just wanted to comment that I just stumbled across your blog (because this entry lists one of mine as a “related post”) and really enjoyed looking around—such a great idea for both a blog and a year-long project.
Ahhh, I needed this. I used to think “to hell with it! My body is my body and I’ll show it off, whatever!” but just in the last year I can feel myself trying to cover it up and manipulate it with clothing more. Even this morning I passed on wearing my favorite shirt from last summer, because it felt “Too”
Maybe I’ll wear it tomorrow
Well I think you’re absolutely gorgeous, and I’m in complete envy of your jessica rabbitish shape. I only found your blog the other day and have been really enjoying reading it. You’ve inspired me to go shopping for clothes that I optherwise wouldn’t have (a complete success by the way!), and I’m loving reading a fashion blog with someone who has a similar shape to me.
I’m even considering looking at some skinny jeans – gasp!
Thanks, Viv. It’s an uphill battle sometimes, but you know– it’s uphill no matter what I’m wearing. Might as well look good!
_anomaly– I remember Stacy and Clinton covering “hippy” men in their What Not to Wear book. Might be worth a look!
Thanks caffeinerd! I saw your post earlier today. I love Banana Republic sales! I got the BEST deals in January.
I own the blue shirt from your post in pink (wore it yesterday) and I tried on the dress. Alas, I’m tall and would’ve needed that version ordered online–but it’s GORGEOUS!
Kelly– do it! I realized not long ago that hiding my body didn’t make me feel safer– just less attractive, and maybe even more vulnerable. It’s not easy not to hide, but it’s not any harder than trying to cover this stuff up. I’m all for women who want to dress modestly, in hijab, tznius, etc., but for me, it wasn’t freely chosen and it didn’t have any special meaning. And it wasn’t about modesty. Really? It was about denial. We can’t always choose what we wear, but we really can’t choose our bodies. Why spend our lives trying to make them into something they’re not? When we can be celebrating what God/nature/our parents gave us? You know what they say about the color purple…
Suzy, that’s awesome. You made my day!
caffeinerd– I wish there were more tall sizes in brick-and-mortar stores. Obviously not for my own sake, but I’m not sure why you can (at least occasionally) find Petites in store (at BR, Ann Taylor, etc.), while it’s nearly impossible to find anything but jeans in “Tall.” I can only imagine the highwater sleeved jackets, miniskirts that show lower-butt cleavage, etc.
You would not be free styling if I listened to what others said I should wear.
True enough– I was just impressed that someone, somewhere actually acknowledged that men came in different shapes, too.
I’m looking at your two pictures and reading your body language…. for some reason… don’t get mad at me…. you really remind me of Carrie Heffernan played by Leah Remini.
The facial expressions, the pose for the camera, it’s like your sisters or something.
…don’t beat me…
No way, _anomaly! I think she’s gorgeous.
[...] belt from Steven by Steve Madden via Filene’s Basement (red side last seen here)– $10.39 with [...]
Hiya — I was just wondering what size you are? Your arms and legs are so tiny and your hips — va-va-va-voom!
I guess all that can be said has been said on this size thing.
The only thing I’d add, for all the people of all the different shapes and sizes out there is this:
you may not actually be that attractive. I may not actually be that attractive. Some people will love our shapes, some people will be appalled by them. When someone is born with a physical deformity, it usually isn’t attractive. The same is true of shapes — some shapes are generally more attractive to most people, and some shapes aren’t. At the end of the day, we need to face the fact that perhaps we have one of those less attractive shapes — AND THAT’S OK.
Really, it’s ok. And if it isn’t ok, why not? Because you need everyone to adore your physical form? It just isn’t gonna happen. The hottest girls in the world look yucky sometimes; no matter how sexy a woman is, there’s a guy somewhere who’s tired of sleeping with her.
That’s just life. Having a perfectly proportioned or perfectly aesthetically pleasing shape isn’t all there is to life. And some of us will never, ever have one, no matter how hard we try.
I’m not one of those curvy girls (US size 10, UK size 12) who goes on and on about “big being beautiful”, because that’s a load of b*llocks. But I am a realist, and the one thing I appreciate about blogs like this are that girls like M have faced up to reality, accepted what nature gave them, and said to hell with anything else. M isn’t flaunting her figure claiming to be a pin-up. But she isn’t trying to pretend that her hips and bust are in perfect proportion. She is who she is, and loves clothes — no explanation needed.
I found this all refreshing, easy to read, and more than anything, it made me smile. Cheers, mah dear!
Sarah,
First off, I most often wear a US size 6 or 8, which would be a UK 8 or 10. Of course, I’m also only 5′2″.
Secondly, I agree to an extent– I’d put the word “conventionally” in front of attractive (acknowledging that those standards are arbitrary and based in a lot of oppressive nonsense), and say that I think big can absolutely be beautiful. Which is why constantly fighting your body and your nature to reach that arbitrary goal is a load of b*llocks. And totally futile.
[...] my personal life. But it turns out that an act as simple as wearing the clothes in your closet is a lot more difficult than it looks. It hits me harder and dredges up deeper thoughts and more conflicted feelings than I [...]
Love this post!!! And glad I stumbled upon your blog so I can subscribe!
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